Comfy Room: The Movie
by Jorm-kun
Summary: Based on a chat group of faggots on Skype. Hundreds of years after a great battle took place, A group of virgins must fight against the dark forces of the internet and save the world from the revived SocJus army, which was revived at the hands of Tumble Sarkeesian and Crybaby Mickintoosh. ...And something My Little Pony. I forgot.
1. Prologue

Long ago, In the deepest, darkest corners of the internet, a great battle took place between the mighty shitlords and the darkest forces of the SocJus faction, TumFem, which is short for the Tumblr Feminazi Army.

The SocJus Army was led by Tumblus, the most triggered mistress on the planet and White Knight, who always wanted a chance to get into the panties of the "fair" maiden. Problem is that Tumblus always accused White Knight of being privileged. White Knight led the army of SocJus Warriors into battle, while the Shitlords led into battle an army of neckbearded, fedora wearing misogynist douchebags who are really polite to women.

...Just, don't ask. This movie makes just about as much sense as a Philip K. Dick novel.

After a gruelling battle, which I depict using Lord Of The Rings footage set to the theme song from Pirates Of The Carribean, 'cus the editor gets this shit wrong way too often.

The battle ended after the great SocJus leader, VenomFangX was slain by the shitlord, Thunderf00t. While the neckbeard douche monkeys cheered about the victory, many lives were lost because of triggered people who couldn't take a fucking joke.

Many years after the war ended, the movie cuts to the bedroom of some blue wolf furry, brony, pop punk loving trash known as OneWing.

"You little shit!" said OneWing in the narration.

Shut up, blue dog! Ahem, anyway. The blue wolf was seen sleeping on the bed while holding what seems to be a body pillow with a female face crudely taped to the top of the pillow. He looked up at the crudely taped face and proceeded to engage in after-sex cuddles, even if you couldn't technically do that since what he's cuddling is a fucking body pillow.

"Y'know, we still haven't gotten around to the fact that we've been together for 16 hours...That's a whole 16 hours dedicated to fucking a body pillow...Don't ask, baby...I just wanna..." said OneWing as he was about to fuck the body pillow once more.

(Heeyyy, Yeah! I wanna shoop babeh!)

All of a sudden, a ringtone of what can only be described as a mashup between "X Gon' Give It To Ya" and "Call Me Maybe" can be heard.

"Uuuuggh...What is it, Jorm?" asked OneWing after answering the phone.

"OneWing, they turned down our movie deal! OUR movie deal! Can you believe these assholes?!" said Jorm over the phone.

"Where the hell are you, anyway?" asked OneWing.

(Bitches can't handle my shit, they get really excited when they see my dick.)

The movie then cuts to Jorm, who is in the body of a long, pink haired female anime character, which he's trapped in because a device on his wrist broke before the start of the movie. He is currently at a Laundromat, dealing with his Laundry. As soon as he talks, the song plays as if it was on the radio.

"Hey, we all have things to do." said Jorm.

"Welp, good thing I sent a tiger to the office incase they turned down our deal." said OneWing over the phone.

"You have a tiger? Since when?" asked Jorm as he took out some laundry.

"Since shut up, that's when!" said OneWing.

"Welp, just hope this works, anyway. At least better than the time I shot an old man in the knee caps." said Jorm.

"Wait, you did that?" asked OneWing.

"Yeah-Wait, aren't we dragging out this scene a little too long?" asked Jorm.

"Oh, good thing you said that. I gotta take this call." said OneWing.

"A'ight man." said Jorm before hanging up.

"...Y'know, I really hope Rio stops being a drama queen." Jorm thought to himself before leaving and jumping onto a rail before grinding down it.

OneWing recieved a call from Warner Bros. Studios, which he believes is regarding the Comfy Room Movie deal that was just turned down. From the tone of their voice, they seemed to have had a change of heart. ...Yeah..

"Hello, O-OneWing? Remember when I said No to your big movie idea? I-I mean yes! You'll get your movie deal! Now get this tiger out of my office, please! I'm begging you!" said the studio CEO.

"No problem. Just deliver the script and it'll be done." said OneWing before smirking. The Final Fantasy VII victory fanfare can be heard in the background in this triumphant moment. All of a sudden, A J-Pop song is heard on OneWing's phone.

"Hello?" said OneWing as he answered the phone.

"It's time." said RyeGuy as he nodded with a big smile on his face before hanging up.

Shortly after, OneWing called RyeGuy back.

"Really Nigga?" asked OneWing.

("Freedom" by Wham! plays)

Jorm can be seen grinding down a long rail down a spiral of outdoor stairs before jumping and grinding from rooftop to rooftop. Who knew that doing something that totally defies the laws of physics could be made even cooler with 80s music? Nobody. Absolutely, positively, HIV-free, nobody.

Jorm sang along to the lyrics to the song as he performed tricks throughout town. However, he saw something flash bright in the distance, which then caused him to lose concentration and crash through a city parade that was going on for some reason.

"OW! When the hell did this start?! It's like Viva Pinata caught hepatitus from a threesome with Barney The Dinosaur and The Carebears!" said Jorm as he crashed through the parade.

...DO NOT QUESTION THE WRITER.

Anyway, after Jorm finished paying a huge fine and was sentenced to community service after the movie was over(which he wouldn't do because reasons), he arrived at Rei's house to meet up with Rei, OneWing and Rio Decade.

"Hey man." said Rei as Jorm arrived.

"Hey, Rei." said Jorm as the two of them shook hands.

"So, our movie deal is secure, is it?" asked Rio.

"Pretty much. Thank OneWing for sending the tiger to the studio." said Jorm.

"Aww shucks! It was nothin'!" said OneWing before making a camp hand gesture. ..Y'know, kinda like Deadpool.

"So, here's where the first scene will be shot." said Rei as he took out the script that was delievered to them.

"...Walmart?" asked Rio.

"Eheh.."

"...Jorm, what is it?" asked Rio.

"...I blew the budget on JJ Abrams." said Jorm as he scratched the back of his head nervously.

"YOU WHAT?!" said OneWing, RyeGuy and Rio in unison.

-To Be Continued-


	2. Scene 1 - This Makes No Sense

( **NYAAAAA THIS MOVE SUUUUUUCKS, YOU SHOULD GET A REFUND**

 **GO SEE TOY STORY NEXT TIME; IT'S IN THE THEATER NEXT DOOR)**

A sight that can only be described as a sunrise in Africa can be seen as we go into the next intro scene before the movie ACTUALLY starts. Because the last scene was a prologue to set you all up for the randomness that is about to happen.

A bunch of animals can be seen running around the plains. Until we realized that what we're watching is not the Lion King, but a movie about a bunch of nerds in a Skype Chat. The title for the movie came up before static is shown, skipping to the end of the musical number.

We then cut to a Walmart, where the store is closed off to start the filming for the first scene of the movie. Why a Walmart was chosen for the first scene of this movie, I'll never know.

"Oo! I wanna get some duct tape!" said Ryeguy.

"...Why?" asked OneWing, breaking an awkward silence that filled the air after Ryeguy announced his strange desire.

"But, Rei. The store's closing in thirty seconds." said Jorm.

"Pfft, what? Don't be ridiculous!" said RyeGuy.

At that moment, An announcement can be heard blowing through the PA system in the store.

"Attention, shoppers. This store is now closed. Release the dogs." said the voice.

"Oh crap.." said RyeGuy as the light went out.

"Ah! I can't see shit!" said Jorm.

"Why is everyone gone?!" said Rio.

At that moment, An explosion was triggered and a bunch of strange looking military folk went down and landed in the store, presumably looking for our heroes. ...Gee, what else?

At that moment, they opened fire on Jorm, Ryeguy, OneWing and Rio, who all tried to run for cover.

"Find 'em! Find the heteronormative shitlords!" said the leader of the military folk.

The soldiers went looking for the four of them as they chanted "Keep Your Hatred Off This Campus" with every step.

"This is a joke, right?" asked Ryeguy, who hid with the guys behind a pile of tinned vegetables.

"If it is, it's about as funny as anything Andy Dick puts out." said Jorm.

"So when do I do my 'protecting humanity' speech?" asked Rio.

"When did Takeru get here?" asked Ryeguy.

"I'm confused, is this the part of the movie where we suddenly get attacked by a bunch of guys in military suits because of some prophecy bullshit?" asked OneWing.

"...That's such a lazy cop-out. I hope the tiger eats them." said Jorm.

At that moment, one of the troops finds the guys and calls the others to come over. They start running to his location, until the sound of a chainsaw is heard along with the song "Hey Mickey" in the background.

"What the-GUUUAAGGGHH!" said the troop as a cheerleader sliced through him like a turkey. We refer to this cheerleader as "MD".

"...80's pop song, Chainsaw and an outfit that would make Miley Cyrus look modest. Yep, my sister's here." said OneWing, as if he was talking to the camera.

"Um...who are you talking to?" asked Rio.

"The folks back home! Hi faggots!" said OneWing as he waved to the camera.

"Sweet! Let's kick ass!" said Jorm as he charged out.

The other guys looked at each other and shrugged before charging in themselves.

MD landed after slicing down another troop and then proceeded to speek her first line of the movie.

"Wow, you guys suck dick at shooting!" she said as she put a lollipop in her mouth.

"Unintentional boner: engage." said Ryeguy as he went passed MD in another aisle.

It was at that point where someone fired at Ryeguy, who then dodged the shot. A figure in a cheap Jason Voorhees mask walked towards him.

"I'm finally gonna kill you, Ryeguy!" said the masked man.

"Oh, shit...Ziggy.." Ryeguy said to himself.

At that moment, a soldier was about to shoot MD in the back - until, completely out of nowhere, A Nerdy Chef equipped with Optimus Prime's blaster and head shoots the soldier that was about to take out MD. At that moment, she turned and faced The Chef.

"I was tryin' to look good, y'know! ...Thanks anyway, Chef." said MD.

"Just rollin' out, MD." said Chef.

All of a sudden, a record scratch is heard and MD and Chef turn their heads to the right.

"Ballroom Blitz" plays as Jorm proceeds to shoot a troop in the balls, then picks up a TV from the electronics aisle before throwing it at a bunch of the troops.

"Well, you got your chance on the big screen. ...Damn, I sound like RyeGuy." said Jorm.

At that moment, A giant rock came out of nowhere and slammed right into Jorm, sending him flying across the store and into the milk aisle.

"...Nope. I'm not gonna say it. No matter how much you try to get my avatar into a suggestive position while covered in milk, there is no way in hell that I am gonna say-" said Jorm before someone else finished the sentence.

"Got milk?" said the stranger.

"GOD DAMN IT! I WILL CUT YOU!" said Jorm ragefully.

"So misogynistic!" said the stranger.

"Ah great...One of these fagolas." said Jorm as he stood up and watched who was coming.

Before the sentence can be finished, MD's chainsaw slices the generic bad guy in half and kicks his corpse over.

"Um...I think I made a mess. ..But fuck you, I'm not cleaning it up." said MD as she powered down her chainsaw.

After the chaos died down and Ziggy ran off after getting his ass kicked by Ryeguy off camera, Rio, Ryeguy, OneWing, MD and NerdyChef all met up. MD gives the others a rundown of some more crazy shit that before they arrived at the Walmart.

Jorm's head went back in relief as he thought the worst was over. Little did he know, the crazy shit was just getting started. AND CUT.

-To Be Continued-


	3. Scene 2 - Into The Deep Blue

After the gang escaped from the damaged Walmart, Social Justice forces have begun a manhunt for them for a reason that will never be explained, unless you're the kind of person that cares so much about "cultural appropriation" and "trigger warnings".

In the midst of all the chaos that's taking place, A news-like intro plays on a television, located in a motel that the gang is currently hiding in. After some generic news music, the show begins and a bearded man appears on screen.

"What is uuuup, DramaAlert Nation? I'm your host, Killer Keemstar. Leeet's get riiiiggghhht into the neeeewwsss!" he said in an obnoxious tone, before talking about some pointless shit.

"Ugh, great, The harbinger of cringe himself..." groaned MD, who hugged her knees in despair.

"Keemstar." said Jorm who sat on one of the beds.

"More like "Cringestar", Amirite?" said RyeGuy, who laughed at his own joke, while nobody else did.

"...Oh come on! I thought it was funny!"

"You would, Rye. Because it's not." said Jorm.

"Wait, why are we in a motel anyway? Oo! Is this like that one scene in those crappy action movies where we're on the run from some army that's trying to kill u-" said OneWing excitedly before being interrupted by Chef.

"No, Wing, we're actually on the run for our lives. ...Though now that you mention it, it does feel like we're in a Michael Bay movie." said Chef.

And with that out of the way, a knock was heard at the door. Weary to open the door, but decided to any way, Jorm stood up and walked towards the door. He opened it and there were two new faces introduced to this shitshow. Lexical Medley and the little kitten simply known as Natty.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S LEX AND NATTY!" said OneWing with a burst of happiness.

"Sorry guys. Natty had me play Huniepop, then a bunch of triggered SJWs showed up.." said Lex.

"Do any of those girls know how ugly those colors are?! I mean, do they REALLY need all that purple?! AND GREEN?!" said Natty, before her left eye twitched in annoyance.

"Yeah, it was like looking at rainbow diarrhea." said Lex, with a hint of disgust in his tone before shuddering.

"It's alright, sweetums. The rainbow colored harpies are gone now." said Jorm as he pats Natty on the head, who purrs when he does so.

"Nya!" she squeaked, before pawing Jorm.

The family gathered around together, telling an offensive joke or seventeen while showing each other edited Equestria Girls pictures. They can only wonder one thing as the time went past and they all went to sleep: Where did Rio go? The answer to that question will come another day...

Meanwhile, the whiny crybabies begin their march against a bunch of virgins. Because...No, just because.

-To Be Continued-


End file.
